Have had this feeling over the last few weeks that I have been spinning my wheels in life. Seems like I've wasted so much of my life just existing. Was I created for a purpose or am I OK just surviving one day to the next. What are you calling me to, God?

Good Days and Bad Days

Life is strange. Just when you think you have it all figured out, something happens and all of a sudden things are in disarray again. It doesn't even have to be something major. An argument with someone, something not happening the way you think it should or even the way someone treats you. And it more often than not seems to snowball. If something happens, I immediately get down in the dumps and start to feel sorry for myself, like why is everyone picking on me. I'm just trying to get through life like the rest of you.

Maybe I am too self-conscious. Maybe if I didn't always think that it is about me. Maybe if I gave more than I got I wouldn't notice the ups and downs as much. God help me!

New Phone

Got a new smartphone today. Samsung Fascinate. What an amazing device. I'm pretty sure it can do anything and everything.

This got me to thinking. What in life makes me happy? Sadly, it is often "stuff". I guess I think stuff makes me happy but as soon as I get it, it's not as exciting anymore. This also got me thinking. As I look back on my life, the most enjoyable and satisfying times have been with friends and family. So why am I not investing time and effort in those things? Is it because they are sometimes "messy"? Am I afraid of rejection? What?

For you, TJ

My nephew reminded me today that I need to get back to blogging. So, here we go.

Just got finished reading a book by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Really enjoy reading his stuff. He doesn't take himself to seriously yet makes a lot of good points. One of the things he said was that we are always looking for the next best thing to make us happy. Even churches promote it by saiying if we just give our heart to Jesus, everything will be great. I don't think Jesus ever promised that.

More later.

Grace and Mercy

Grace and Mercy. The older I get the more these words mean to me. I'm part of a mens bible study and we have young men and old farts (like me). One thing I have noticed is that the much older guys (older than me, anyway), seem to understand mercy and grace to a much greater degree than the younger guys. The younger guys seem to want to live by very strict rules and if you step out of their defined definition of righteousness or goodness, than by god, somebody needs to straighten them out. Whereas the older guys know that, there by the grace (and mercy) of God, go I.

It seems that we christians could use a whole lot more forgiveness and love of our non-believing friends and a lot less condemnation and scorn.

Follower or Following?

I often wonder if I am a follower or if I am following. I one better or worse? Maybe it depends on the time and the situation. Somedays I am a follower and some days I am following. The tough part is knowing when to which one. Is it possible to do them both at the same time?

Who am I?

Don't you ever wonder, who am I? I guess this question could be taken at least a couple of different ways. Like, what makes me relevant, or how do I see myself, or I am just a speck in the great expanse of time?

The main idea that I am thinking of here is: where does my self-worth come from? Is it from what others think of me, or an inate feeling, or is it what God thinks of me.

Searching

Started to re-read a book by Donald Miller called, Searching for God Knows What. Great book. He seems to be able to say things that I have often thought about, but have never been able to articulate them. In my mind,speech or in writing. Basically he is saying our relationship with God is not formulaic but is relational. This makes way more sense to me. What do you think?

Happy new year! Spent this morning in a bible study with a group of men that I highly respect. Men of great wisdom. Thanks,guys.